If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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