I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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