So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I should be sponsored by Trojan
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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