Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize