All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize