I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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