I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
