Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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