I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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