Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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