If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
