I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
