Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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