then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
