She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
