Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
