i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
