oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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