Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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