Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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