Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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