yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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