What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
