i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize