this beer tastes like vomit already
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
COCAINE IS GR8
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
