peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was like getting head from an anaconda
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
