Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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