To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's official drugs can't kill me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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