Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
