Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
