Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
a search helicopter?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
