I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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