I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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