Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
