Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Two words: blizzard sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
