Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
