I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
