Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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