I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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