Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
