i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
