yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think people are normalizing furries
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
