Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
