I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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