My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
