trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize