We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
