I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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