I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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