last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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