Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
