i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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