just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
