So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
