Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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