never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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