mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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