I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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