somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
