she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
