Already got asked if we're dating
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
