Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
