Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
