Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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