why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
