We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
