make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
