Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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