I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
