and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
