Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
