My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
