I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize