your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize