"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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