that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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