Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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