Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
