some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize