My sheets look like a crime scene.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
