when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
