Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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