I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
