I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
