Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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