I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
