Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
