You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
