do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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