Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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