Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
