My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
