check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
