Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
