Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
