Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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