This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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